The New Jack Bauer Law

After seeing the suffering LA has endured with CTU and Jack Bauer at the helm, Chico California (pop. 84,396) is taking pre-emptive measures against the likes of Nina Myers and those guys from Harold & Kumar. After watching too many hours of 24, and slowly losing the ability to distinguish between reality, and make-believe they decided to pass a law to protect them from nuclear attacks as were seen in season 6 of 24.

The law in Chico is that no nuclear device shall be detonated within the city limits, and should you do so you shall receive a penalty of $500. Really?! That’s it? Who is going to collect the fine? Because last I checked a Nuclear Explosion could wipe out the entire town! POOF! Gone.

Allow me to quote a few lines of the actual city code.

“The possibility of nuclear war is a clear and present danger that threatens not only the health, safety and welfare of the citizen of the Chico community, but also their very existence” (uhh, Duh.)

“That even participation in preparation against nuclear war is inappropriate in that it lends credence to the belief that such a war is survivable when in fact it is not.”(That’s Right Chico! Just crush all hope that there is and make it illegal to even prepare.)

Chico California, Thank you. You have shown us the light, and you have shown us that it is important to make sure that we do not allow nuclear weapons in our cities, and if we find them there we should fine the bat snot out of them with 500 dollars! I am going to write my city council member today and let them know that I too want this law in my city. This will be a great thing because I am near Washington DC, and by so doing we will be protecting the politicians and what not there.

This is now illegeal to do in Chico California. Sorry Guys.

This is now illegeal to do in Chico California. Sorry Guys.

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