Need a Job, take Bob’s

The Rambler

The Rambler

After watching as much of the Opening Ceremonies as I could stand and by that I mean when what little restraint I had left that kept me from throwing the remote at the TV after listening to Bob Costas yap constantly for an hour, I had an epiphany.  Somebody should take Bob Costas’ job because he sucks at it.  No seriously, he’s really, really bad.  His professional title on his resume should not be sports commentator, but something more akin to sports rambler.  Throughtout the olympics thus far, NBC has privledged us with short break away moments to Bob sitting behind some desk somewhere and gives us a run down of what we just watched. 

” Yes, we just saw Phelps break a world record.  It’s amazing, because that was a record that had never been broken.  In fact, ladies and gentlement, he hasn’t broken that record since he set it previously.  I hope we all realize that what we just saw was something record breaking.”

Thanks, Bob.  Never could I have pieced together what just happened as I watched it while Phelps, ears and all, went nuts over his success.  Really couldn’t have figured it out, when the announcers started screaming world record over and over.  The special green line that NBC superimposed over the screen to indicate where Michael Phelps was with relation to his previous world record just didn’t register with me.

Conclusion, Bob’s an idiot designed to fill time as NBC makes the switch from one Olympic Event to another.  Now I’ve got to give him credit, he’s got that announcer look and sound to him, and could probably place in a John Edwards look-a-like contest, but what’s his real value other than just forcing air across vocal cords.  My suggestion: we should get some of the athletes involved in the games to do the broadcasting.  It might be fun, to have some of the women from the women’s swim team announce Phelp’s victory and talk about the kind of dedication it takes to do what he does.  Get Diana Torres up there and let her talk about adversity and pressure in performing.  That would be kind of cool.  When the women’s gymanstics is up, let’s get one of the Hamm brothers in the booth and talk about how hard it is to go through a routine and remember each element while placing your feet on the right side of a white line while gyrating in the air.

America at this time more than other needs intelligent, informative commentary from TV more than ever.  While reality TV shows infect the airwaves and leave many a couch potato watching life instead of living it, we should have people that make us want to jump out of our seats and follow the examples of these athletes coming from around the world to compete.  We need something more than, uh, wow, that was like amazing.


Politics and the Love Connection

Throughout history we have seen political figure after political figure go down aflame like the hindenburg due to illicit affair.  Politicians and Sports stars alike that hold not only our attention, but sometimes our respect have often disappointed their fanbase or constituents through their nocturnal habits.  Honestly, though, I don’t care.  That’s really none of my business.  This most recent revelation concerning John Edwards and his love triangle has little interest for me.  I mean, yes, it’s sad that we all  bought into the sweet story of his support for his wife with cancer and how he stuck by her.  Yes, it’s nice that he seemed to have these boyish good lucks and played the part of the all-american family man, but in the end ended up with a woman that was not only his wife, but also played the role of mistress for one of his campaign aids.   I mean, let’s think about this for a second.

Not many have taken the time to point out that last point, this woman in the short span of a year had an affair with two married men that work very closely together in very small circle of people.  Is this not just an reality tv show waiting to happen.  This whole thing truly smacks of stupid.

What further smacks of stupid, is the fact that any of us care at all.  Has Edwards ever been a serious candidate for the presidency.  Nope.  Have we ever really worried how his soundbytes play.  Nope.  So in truth, we just have another one of those let-downs in too-good-to-be-true relationships the likes of which call to mind Brad and Jennifer breaking up, Ben and Jennifer,  and Bill and Gennifer Flowers (Ok, never really a couple, but it kind of fits with the theme.).  In all, if people refuse to exercise good judgement or taste for that matter, that’s wholly their decision.  Don’t get upset about it, just don’t support them in their stupidity.  Don’t vote for Edwards, don’t buy Brad’s movies, and don’t hold celebritiah to a higher standard that we the general population can’t even adhere to ourselves.  Being stupid is just part of the human experience.

Schwarzenegger’s Scorched Earth Policy

Huh?  Wait, is that really my title for this blog posting, and what does that have to do with the fire in the background.  Well, Arnie recently decided that the girlie men in his state legislature were not cooperative enough on the budget such that he was forced to take action.  Now, the T1-3000 was in the shop and his sawed off shotgun in the NRA’s museum, so the only weapon in his arsenal was minimum wage and a slashing of temporary/seasonal employees.  Now to be fair, the state government seems to be careening towards a cash crisis like a semi out of control trying to kill John Connor.  So, this double barrel shotgun of a solution (I brought the shotgun back, now its my metaphor), Minimum Wage will be the only pay scale for all permanent employees within the California State Government.  The other barrel, is full of buck shot that will be blowing away the jobs of all seasonal/temporary employees.

Wildfires dotting the hillsides of California is not the status quo.  So when things are not quo (thanks Dr. Horrible), you need to call in something other than full time help.  What you might call temporary or seasonal help, the kind of firefighting assistance that would be cut currently under the Governor’s decree.  So, these poor, temporarily-under-the-employ-of-California firemen that have been risking their lives could possibly be asked to toss their fire-retardant jackets over their shoulders and walk off the fiery battlefield.  Meanwhile, their brothers in arms who have the great honor of being full-time employees of the state of California are left to fight these fires for minimum wage.

Be comforted, by that I mean all you State of California employees out there, the promise is that $1 billion dollars in savings a month will be generated by this temporary cut.  The promise is that restitution will be made for lost wages later  from the $1 billion saved.  Now, in all, California won’t be saved anything.  What’s really occurring is a $1 billion dollar loan from the employees of the State of California interest-free.  However, these very same employees can’t hope to get as good a deal when seeking a loan to pay off their smoked damaged homes.  Looks like the California shrubbery isn’t the only one getting burned.

The New Jack Bauer Law

After seeing the suffering LA has endured with CTU and Jack Bauer at the helm, Chico California (pop. 84,396) is taking pre-emptive measures against the likes of Nina Myers and those guys from Harold & Kumar. After watching too many hours of 24, and slowly losing the ability to distinguish between reality, and make-believe they decided to pass a law to protect them from nuclear attacks as were seen in season 6 of 24.

The law in Chico is that no nuclear device shall be detonated within the city limits, and should you do so you shall receive a penalty of $500. Really?! That’s it? Who is going to collect the fine? Because last I checked a Nuclear Explosion could wipe out the entire town! POOF! Gone.

Allow me to quote a few lines of the actual city code.

“The possibility of nuclear war is a clear and present danger that threatens not only the health, safety and welfare of the citizen of the Chico community, but also their very existence” (uhh, Duh.)

“That even participation in preparation against nuclear war is inappropriate in that it lends credence to the belief that such a war is survivable when in fact it is not.”(That’s Right Chico! Just crush all hope that there is and make it illegal to even prepare.)

Chico California, Thank you. You have shown us the light, and you have shown us that it is important to make sure that we do not allow nuclear weapons in our cities, and if we find them there we should fine the bat snot out of them with 500 dollars! I am going to write my city council member today and let them know that I too want this law in my city. This will be a great thing because I am near Washington DC, and by so doing we will be protecting the politicians and what not there.

This is now illegeal to do in Chico California. Sorry Guys.

This is now illegeal to do in Chico California. Sorry Guys.

He is doing it this way. I’m not doing it at all.

“McCain and bush support a drilling plan that wont produce a drop of oil for 7 years.”

Now I am really not a supporter of either person, in fact I am still amazed that with 300 million people in the U..S(thats 00,000,000 just in case you were wonderin) this is the best two (thats 1, 2 or “II” or the number 2 with no zeros) we can come up with?  But that odd and crazy fact is material for another blog and another day.  But I digress.

Obama’s ad starts off with that line, and yet if you look at obama’s proposed plan he doesn’t plan on producing a drop say. . . ever!  I say better late then never on that one.  Sure I am all for the alternate fuels.  I am not saying that moving away from them is a bad thing.  I am not saying moving towards oil is a bad thing either.  I say, believe what you choose to believe.  However, if he is going to make that a point of argument, then one would stand to think that he is going to do it faster.  That is simply not the case.  He is all about the other stuff.  Why doesn’t he say that he is more for it than McCain is.  Oh wait he isn’t!  But you gotta slam him for something.  Will McCain do the same thing back?  I suppose he will.  Will there be more ads like this from both parties?  I hope so, cause then I can blog about more and more.  Just wait for the debates!!

So Obama, if he is going to produce it in seven years and that is a bad thing, are you going to do it faster?

“I am Chris Terrel and I approve this message”

Razor Burn

Recently I got a comment on a previous post regarding the Rolling Razor, seems a Mr. Taverna had something to say about my trashing the Rolling Razor. First, let me point out that our friend Mr. Taverna is well, likely an employee of the company associated with the marketing or vending of the Rolling Razor. I do internet marketing for a living and make it my business to study the search habits of the average user. Let’s break it down like a fraction:

  • The Blog was just released in the last two days and its links have been made available in a limited number of places that only personal friends of mine and Terrell’s.
  • Second, the rolling razor is such a little known accessory that few if anyone will be searching on it. If they are searching it, they’re looking for information to validate a purchase.
  • So, if Mr. Taverna owns this marvel of science, he wouldn’t really be searching on the rolling razor and thus finding my blog. And if he is, well he’s still insecure about his purchase and needs to move on.
  • Finally, I suspect that the Rolling razor is not a US company, but they’re trying to get market penetration.

Before I further trash on the product, let me congratulate this group. From a marketing perspective they’ve hit it all. Sexy, sleek, crisp marketing. The guys who sold America on the “pet rock” would be proud. Watching the commercials as the one I’ve post here almost sells me. I kind of want to try one. But then again, for a while there I almost purchased the bowflex. I mean the guy on there looks buff.

In all, I still think the Rolling Razor is a piece of crap. I think it’s a waste of the minerals that were refined into the metals that make up the body of the tool. The very synthetics that make up the rubber that make this stubble remover as stable as Chuck Norris in a fist fight, scream to be released from such an inconsequential purpose in this life. So Mr. Taverna, if you do work for the Rolling Razor Rimshods, if you’ll score me a sample I’ll try it for a month. And if it works better than the razor I have now, I’ll post once a week on this blog and at least one other how much I love the Rolling Razor.

For now, I say to properly use this Rolling Razor, you should carefully place your finger through the hole and then proceed to poke yourself in the eye for buying it.

Rolling Stupid

The initial inspiration for this blog was when I saw an add for the “Rolling Razor” on facebook.  At first, i thought that this was a joke, and that someone was trying to make a quick buck off of some poor sucker.  In truth, this is an actual product that comes in many shades/skins and accessories to boot.

The Product: I don’t know about you but I’ve been looking for a finger mounted shaver.  Seriously, for those moment when I sleep on my arm all night long and my hand falls asleep with no feeling in my fingers.  I really need something that I can slip it on my finger so that I can numbly scrape at the scruff on my face.  Also, I hope I’m not the only one that lacks the ability to turn the razor handle in my hand to get the other side of my face while shaving.  The razor comes with dual heads just in case.  And in case you find yourself in wartime shaving, you want to be sure that your razor doesn’t give up your position.  They provide camo skins for the razor for forest, desert, and night camo-required situations.

Use: Scanning the website, I found myself fortunate to come upon a FAQ section for the rolling razor.  See shaving is a difficult task with this marvel of modern science that it requires an in depth explanation of how to use the product.  Apparently, it’s a whole lot like normal shaving.  However, it’s comforting to know both men and women can use the same blades, but they do have a his and hers section.  Also, lucky for all of us, we aren’t limited as far as use.  At the recommendation of the marketing director for the Rolling Razor, you can use it on your face, head, and body.  I doubt any other razor can promise that.

Roundup: Honestly, the last thing the world needs is another razor blade and handle.  Gilette and Schick have the market cornered, and though I’m anxiously awaiting the Platinum Mach 14, do we really need more razor blades?  At some point we’re just getting stupid with the whole shaving market.  This thing looks like it should come out of a cracker jack or cereal box.  The best part is they’ve got a whole line of shaving accessories just for the rolling razor.  Be comforted in knowing that you’ve got plenty of marketers at work, ready and willing to sell you crap, with specialized crap bags to put it in.